Days fading together

As I rush around trying to keep our home open to foster children (yup you have to work at it if you intend to really help children) and keep Artie safe for upcoming surgery (now that takes work!) the days have faded together, sort of...one becoming another before I have time to blink.

There are classes to take, inspections and physicals. For Artie there are pre op visits, juicing the right veggies for the right nutrients he needs, and preparing the house for down time to make recovery easier for him. There is caring for my brother and helping him get on his feet. Thank goodness for my dearest husband and all he does to help.

In the flurry of business, the recent xrays were alarming. The hook attachment at the base of his spine is working its way loose. The heat is opressive and it is so hard to keep that TLSO brace on all the time. Here at home we keep it very cool for him. When he goes to the 'medical daycare' center I suspect the brace comes off. I go by often and check on him. I worry about how they pick him up and how they pull him along by the arms. He pulls back. He does the "drop and flop" and at 30 pounds he is not easy to pick up correctly!

I have a hard time trusting...

Another alarming incident occured when I dropped in for a visit...I was sitting in the room in a toddler chair (was I mistaken for one of the children?) and the conversation went this way:

Nurse (new person who is tube feeding a child): I am going over to my daughters school and observe circle time and see what I can implement here for our kids! I spoke to the teacher and she said I was welcome.

Now I am feeling really good at this point!!

CNA (long time person who is picking up the room): I dont know why you are doing that. Its a waste of time. These kids arent going to do anything in circle time. Why do you think Other Nurse quit trying to work with them? They arent like normal kids. They arent going to sit down for anything.

GRRRRRR! Did I growl from my corner?

Nurse (new person who is setting fed child down): Yeah I guess you are right. I dont know. I think we could do some of it.

CNA (who seems to hate her job): You'll see. And dont take offense if I start using a mask in here. I dont want to catch swine flu. I am gonna take care of myself. I dont know where these kids have been.

Me (clearing my throat, speaking up from the corner to both of them): Well I am going, and I will take Artie with me now. (To the nurse)Ms CNA is having a bad day and is unhappy with her job.

I got up and went to the supply cabinet and took all of his tube feeding supplies, milk and diapers. I asked for his lunch that I had made. I was trembling, I was angry. Over emotional, trust gone.

I went on my way. I had to pass by the acting directors office to sign him out...she asked if I was taking him. I explained the conversation in the room and added:

(Me to The Acting Director:)I can take Artie to the kids museum and have circle time. And dont take offense, I dont know what is said in front of my child when I am not here so I can only imagine it is worse since this is what is said in front of him when I AM here. I am taking him with me.

There was a scamble. Apologies forthcoming. Meetings with employees. Reasoning with mom. Notes made. The nurse came out and asked me if I was going to be there a little while longer because as we were working this out, she would love to have Artie come back in the room. She was going to have all the children finger paint. She assured me the CNA would not be back in there today.

We are shifting our focus to home health care and home schooling. He has done well and responded to what I have taught him with our curriculum. I know for every action there is a reaction and I am sure there will be surprises along the way with this change. I think inspite of all I have to do, the busy days and hectic schedule, he will do better at home. I know he will.

These days that so busy, these days that are fading together, these are the days of his toddlerhood and the time for him to become the person he will be. I cannot let them slip by without having more of an imput in his life.