Children learn from people around them as they sort through the early years. My mom commented out of the blue today. She said "he watches every move you make" as I was cleaning my kitchen. It didnt dawn on me at the time. She played with him for a while. Every now and then he would look up at me as I worked and our eyes would meet. He would grin and go back to playing.
During the morning we went through two therapies and several other visits, planned and unplanned. He flirted with people and waved bye bye as they left. We played and enjoyed his signing times lesson. He smiled and cooperated. Sweet boy!
In between I had a dozen phone calls, many about his medical needs, some about positive things but two about subjects of conflict. During the first of such unhappy calls, right before his nap, I spoke firmly and with authority, not relenting an inch. Not giving in. Not speaking kindly. Not compromising. I spoke thoughtlessly as if nobody heard me but the person debating with me on the other end of the line. I felt strong and righteous afterwards. After all it was just and I was right.
Later I couldnt understand why Artie was fussing at me after his nap. Rearing back in my arms, speaking in his baby babble, clearly fussing at me. I didnt understand at all.
Two things happened. First, later in the afternoon we were playing on the floor and the phone rang again. Second, he became quiet.
I reached into the toy box and handed him his toy phone. I moved away from him to the kitchen to talk. It was another call that began with conflict. It concerned a check that was written to me that was returned for lack of funds. It was not the first incident from this person. I squared my shoulders and pulled out my notebook. When we embarked on the discussion, again I was firm, unrelenting and not willing to compromise. As I leaned back against the counter, I mentally counted off the reasons why I would not allow what was presented to happen. A comment was made so I turned around to jot down information and my eyes met Artie's wide eyed stare.
He had not picked up his play phone where it had rolled to the floor in front of him. He was watching me intently. The shock of what my mom had said earlier echoed in my mind. "He watches every move you make"
and listens to every word I mentally added. I paused on the phone. I smiled at Artie. He did not smile back.
Suddenly I realized there was silence on the phone. Then person I was speaking to starting asking "Are you there? Hello?" I was slow to respond. Great day! I had to think!
I slowly replied in a
gentler manner, watching Artie as I talked. I told the person I was very disappointed in them, but I was not going to continue the conversation in the manner we had begun it. I said this
very softly. I told the person, in a
gentle way, that they needed to come up with an acceptable solution and I would give them breathing room to do so...again I spoke
very gently.
The change was amazing. Not only did Artie seem to relax, look down at the toy, pick it up and begin chewing on it, but the person I was speaking with began to apoligize and explain what they could do to solve the problem.
Conflict over because Artie made a rock crumble...
Children learn from the people around them. Even when you think they arent listening...they hear. Even when you think they are not listening. I think we can learn from the children.
